Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
