dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
