And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
