Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
