I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
