I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
