How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
i think my cat just said my name.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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