God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
