I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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