that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
