i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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