I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
