I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
