Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
