She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
