Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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