i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
