I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
