I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
