He is an equal opportunity slut.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
