Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
