Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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