ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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