The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
