the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
