We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
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