I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
