And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
