So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
BRING THE BAGELS
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
