just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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