I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
