I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
