never play flip cup with pint glasses
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
