Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Randomize
