Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
