I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
