Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
