Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
