i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
