i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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