They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
