and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
