I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
