Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You have to summon your inner elephant
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
