I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
