i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
