p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
