1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
