I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
