Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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