Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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