I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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